Truth and Freedom
by KillerDoll
Summary: [slightly AU] I long to be lost indefinetly in my nightmare to know my world is real.


Disclaimer: I do not own Matrix or any of the characters. Please have fun reading.  
  
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Truth and Freedom  
  
I don't know why, why it bothers me so much. TV, radio, cell phones, computers even cars make me uneasy. God walking down the street makes me paranoid.  
  
I don't feel safe. What's wrong with me?  
  
My parents they don't understand, they think I'm going through some "teenage phase". So they send me to therapy.  
  
I won't. I refuse to tell them anything that might open a door for them to pry open my heart.  
  
I refuse. I will resist.  
  
Why do I think this way? What's wrong with me?  
  
I must be nuts, 'cause I always feel like I'm being watched. All around me eyes piercing through me. From the stranger across the street, to the lamppost I stand next to every morning, waiting for the bus to school. I don't even trust the bus.  
  
Yeah, I'm nuts, and more than a little paranoid. It's not so much the being watched part, it's.... It's the feeling that nothing, nothing's real. Even standing in the middle of nature gives off this gut feeling of unreality. The trees, grass, even the insects biting me, everything is so unreal.  
  
I'm lost.  
  
What do you do, when your dream, no, nightmare, is more real to you than the reality you wake up too? What do you do when you want to live in your nightmare, because it's more true then what you wake up to?  
  
I'm lost. I'm falling. I'm losing myself. I'm screwed in the head.  
  
Why would I want to live in this nightmarish world? And it's always the same. I stand on charred earth, starring out into the darkness that is night. Above me, starless, cloudy skies, below me buildings laying in ruin. The ever presence of Death all around. And fear a fear that pounds in the same rhythm as my heart. I look out to the horizon waiting for a horror to come and consume me. I am afraid, but not as much as I am excited to fight for my cause, for my beliefs. For here I am truly alive and free. A freedom I don't know outside this nightmarish dream world. And then they come. And I am terrified, but I'm also overjoyed, happy, oh God I never felt such happiness.  
  
And I fight. I will fight. I must fight.  
  
Then my world goes away. I wake up. Or do I.  
  
What is real? What is not real?  
  
I want to sleep, to dream, and too know the truth. I hunger for the truth. My parents are worried now more than ever, they think I'm too weird. Too nuts for my own good. So now I'm taking "medication" to solve my problems. But I don't take them. I don't trust them.  
  
I want to sleep. Sleep will tell me the truth.  
  
This morning I woke up and did the same old routine. The only difference was mom and dad weren't home. I stand at the bus stop waiting for the school bus. I can't help it, but I feel as though somehow I'm being watched more closely now. May be I should have taken those damn pills those doctors tried to push on me. I wanted to stay home I wanted to sleep. But for some reason that would be bad. My dreams are my secret no one else's, and if I stay they might come, come to take my dreams away.  
  
But who are they? Are they the ones in the black suits? No don't; don't think such things they might hear.  
  
Some people in my class started to talk about the Internet and stuff. I'd normally ignore them, accept, I listened this time and now I'm in the school library, I feel so unsafe. I must find the truth in the very thing that I hate.  
  
Why?  
  
But, I must find out. I must know. Even if I go against everything that I've come to believe by using this evil machine! I feel the eyes watching me do this. I have to hurry.  
  
I hated my computer classes, but they are serving there purpose here and now. I finally reach the website, In a fury I type, "Am I in the real world?"  
  
I wait. And wait. No answer. Still waiting. I'm about to give up when... "Does Alice want to leave Wonderland?" "DEAR GOD YES! OH GOD I DO!" I shouted this aloud. Before I could type this out, the damn thing answered me. "Get out now they're coming! Leave school now! We will find you! Go!" the word "Go" shot through me like electricity. I ran out the library, teachers tried to stop me, but I dodged them. Then I saw them, I really was seeing them as plain as day, the men in black. I ran as if my life and freedom depended on it, because it did. I finally got out of the school and was hitting the streets, Oh god there still chasing me. Where are they coming from! Run damn legs, Run! Just a corner here, a corner there, DAMN IT! There everywhere they've almost got me!  
  
Help. Help. OH GOD HELP ME! HELP ME!  
  
Like an answer to my prayers I run to, or more so, into my guardian angel. He smiles at me and greeted me with a simple "Hello Alice." But no sooner did he say "hello" they came. It's chaos as bullets fly every where, A car suddenly appears out of nowhere, and we run to it. Bullets chasing us. They are chasing us! But we finally get away.  
  
I'm not scared, it's strange, but I feel very safe right now.  
  
I'm taken to a building that really should be condemned. It is here that my angel introduces himself as Morphs. I told him everything that I ever thought, felt, and experienced in my life. He listened.  
  
I trust him. I'm safe with him.  
  
He held out his hands and in them, where these colored pills one red, one blue. He said, "The truth is not an easy burden to bare. Even to those who so desperately seek it. Chose. Red you stay in wonderland. Blue you leave. Can you leave wonderland and not look back?"  
  
Epilogue:  
  
A young woman sits on the charred and barren ground that was once a city park. Her eyes closed, waiting for what, only she knows. Her expression can only be described, as being happy. She hums to herself a joyful little tune. Sighs, then says to herself, "I am truly free."  
  
The End 


End file.
